The Right To Spit

Come 2020 and the colour of our roads will be red. No, this ain't any noble initiative to save the planet or reduce the number of road accidents. It will be as a result of every Indian's right to spit using The Right To Spit Anywhere & Anytime Act.

Our country is a labyrinth of Laws and Enactments where trivial Acts such as The Right To Information Act, The Environment (Protection) Act, The Child Labour Act etc. are rarely utilised by an average Indian, this average Indian makes optimum use of his Right to Spit Anywhere & Anytime Act. And it is because of this self-introduced and countrywide accepted Act that the colour of our roads will be red soon. From Kashmir to Kanyakumari and Mumbai to Kolkata, one will find spitters galore. And they sure do leave their mark, literally.

Spitting in India is an art, like Gregory David Roberts described in his book 'Shantaram'. You have to be precise with your finger and head movements to get the beautiful design that every spitter craves for. There is no room for error, again literally, as you might spit on someone’s leg or may be even head, if you are spitting from a bus (yes, that happens regularly in India). Never has an Indian implemented the saying 'practice makes perfect' in his life more seriously than while spitting. And the spit-art some of them create on dusty, rough Indian roads is just mesmerising. If these spit-artists decide to spit on a canvas, I am sure there 'paintings' would fetch more money than even M.F. Hussian’s, provided the exhibition is held in India as spit-art is primarily an Indian thing. A foreigner will definitely not be able to appreciate it as much as we Indians can, as our ready acceptance to spitting proves that.

So, I appeal to all Indian spitters to keep up the good work and may be even bring in some variety with green and blue. Also, I would like to take this opportunity to thank our Government for not antagonising spit-artists and even encouraging them by setting examples with their own spit-artists (read Government employees).

Thus, the time has come where let us all spit together, and as often as possible for making our motherland the dirtiest and filthiest place in this whole wide world. The world then might as well call us Red Indians.